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Taken from "The Joy of Work: Dilbert's Guide to Finding Happiness at the Expense of Your Coworkers" by Scott Adams
1. AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY Example: You can train a dog to fetch a stick. Therefore, you can train a potato to dance. 2. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT Example: On the basis of my observations, wearing huge pants makes you fat. 3. I AM THE WORLD Example: I don't listen to country music. Therefore, country music is not popular. 4. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN Example: People choose to be obese/gay/alcoholic because they prefer the lifestyle. 5. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE Example: Some Elbonians are animal rights activists. Some Elbonians wear fur coats. Therefore, Elbonians are hypocrites. 6. GENERALIZING FROM SELF Example: I'm a liar. Therefore, I don't believe what you're saying. 7. ARGUMENT BY BIZARRE DEFINITION Example: He's not a criminal. He just does things that are against the law. 8. TOTAL LOGICAL DISCONNECT Example: I enjoy pasta because my house is made of bricks. 9. JUDGING THINGS WITHOUT COMPARISON TO ALTERNATIVES Example: I don't invest in U.S. Treasury Bills. There's too much risk. 10. ANYTHING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO Example: If you have the right tools, how hard could it be to generate nuclear fission at home? 11. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS Example: I'm putting ALL of my money on the lottery this week because the jackpot is so big. 12. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK Example: I know that bugee jumping could kill me, but it's three seconds of great fun! 13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE Example: Remember, "All things come to those who wait." So don't bother looking for a job. 14. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS Example: A hundred dollars is a good price for a toaster, compared to buying a Ferari. 15. CIRCULAR REASONING Example: I'm correct because I'm smarter than you. And I must be smarter than you because I'm correct. 16. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF DEFECT Example: Your theory of gravity doesn't address the question of why there are no unicorns, so it must be wrong. 17. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON Example: Sure, the experts think you shouldn't ride a bicycle into the eye of a hurricane, but I have my own theory. 18. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS Example: Uncle Billy says pork makes you smarter. That's good enough for me! 19. REACHING BIZARRE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION Example: The car won't start. I'm certain the spark plugs have been stolen by rogue clowns. 20. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION Example: His six last wives were murdered mysteriously. I hope to be wife number seven. 21. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT'S IMPORTANT Example: My house is on fire! Quick, call the post office and tell them to hold my mail! 22. UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COSTS Example: We've spent millions developing a water-powered pogo stick. We can't stop investing now or it will all be wasted. 23. OVERAPPLICATION OF OCCAM'S RAZOR (WHICH SAYS THE SIMPLEST EXPLANATION IS USUALLY RIGHT) Example: The simplest explanation for the moon landings is that they were hoaxes. 24. IGNORING ALL ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE Example: I always get hives immediately after eating strawberries. But without a scientifically controlled experiment, it's not reliable data. So I continue to eat strawberries every day, since I can't tell if they cause hives. 25. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE CAUSES Example: The Beatles were popular for one reason only: They were good singers. 26. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS Example: The sun causes sunburns. Therefore, the planet would be better off without the sun. 27. BLINDING FLASHED OF THE OBVIOUS Example: If everyone had more money, we could eliminate poverty. 28. BLAMING THE TOOL Example: I bought an encyclopedia but I'm still stupid. This encyclopedia must be defective. 29. HALLUCINATIONS OF REALITY Example: I got my facts from a talking tree. 30. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSION Example: If you let your barber cut your hair, the next thing you know he'll be lopping off your limbs! 31. FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND WHY RULES DON'T HAVE EXCEPTIONS Example: It should be legal to shoplift, as long as you don't take enough to hurt the company's earnings. 32. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE Example: I've never seen you drunk, so you must be one of those Amish people. Go to the Dilbert Zone
